I was never good enough..

I feel that I was never good enough to be a mother or Benson's mummy.. Lately he keep fussing might be due to teething or bad temper.. I was never Patience with him.. I'm really having a deep thts of what's happening for the past week & today.. He would just cry non stop.. Even tht I went out without him & crying at kitchen door when I was in toliet which he didn't know.. I became so pissed off that I smack him on his thigh.. I start to blame myself that I shouldn't have done that .. I should have given him a hug & explain that I'm in toliet.. ;( why m I behaving this way? & when did all this unacceptable anger in me started?! I have make a promised to myself that I will be Patience with Benson & show that I really care & love him.. I want him to be happy.. Not a fussing & crying baby everyday.. I must make myself to understand that he is going thru a very tough stage now.. Teething can be very painful... Sigh... I really regretted not being there for him when he needed me... I love u Benson... I really do.. & I hope u don't hate mummy.. Because it will breaks my heart..